Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
My neighbors complained about all the loud sex they are hearing from my house. So now I have to buy some headphones for my computer.
"I am upping my standards... so up yours!"
Sorry I can’t make it to your party tonight. I have to get up really early tomorrow afternoon.
keep scrolling… it gets better lol
OMG! I just discovered that if I align them JUST right, that I can make your boobs stand straight up (just like the broom trick)! Message me for an appointment! ;)
What kind of wine goes best with laundry?
"Just Be yourself" is something I rarely hear from people who know me well.
Lord, it`s me... Can you close your eyes for a couple minutes while I deal with a slight problem?
Bike helmets only protect you from looking cool.
I’m not high maintenance, but rather precious cargo with lavish instruction for upkeep.
My life is spent trying to get people to give me the silent treatment.
I bet every guy would be faithful if God took an inch off his d!ck every time he cheated...
I plan on leaving all my money to the campaign against illiteracy. ...They can`t read this right? lol
I forget, how much tequila goes in mashed potatoes? Now that`s funny, I don`t care who you are. Oh, don`t copy that part. I mean this part. Oh hell!! Your going to copy and paste the whole thing anyway ;)
It`s funny how as you get older you relate more to the villains in Disney than the Princesses.