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Yes officer, the person who robbed me was a woman 25-30, at least 5`9, a brunette and definitely single. Can you arrange a line up please
I still remember the first time I lied about being able to time travel... It was 3 weeks from tomorrow.
I have Beer.
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
In my porno they`d deliver the pizza after they had sex because otherwise it`d just get cold.
Lord, help me be the person my psychiatrist medicates me to be.
What do women say when they are actually fine?
if a guy tells you you`re ugly ; he wants you, if a girl tells you your ugly; she`s jealouse, if you a kid tells you your`re ugly..... you`re ugly.
I could write an entire book on excuses,,, but I have to pick my grandma up at the airport.
If I ever put stuff in storage I`m going to write "gold bars" and "priceless memorabilia" on the boxes just to mess with storage wars.
I forgot to post this earlier
I`ve already had two beers which automatically means my day is already better than yours.
I went somewhere earlier and saw a frog parked illegally and the poor thing got toad!!
I swear I can hear Google sigh every time I start typing in their search bar.
How I sing it: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G,....H, I, J, K, A LEMON OH PEE!....Q, R, S....T, U, V....W, X....Y, and Z."