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My nose is "running", that`s all the exercise I can handle for one day.......
If the planet is 4 billion plus yrs old. Is 2017 really the correct new year.
Listening to your wife is like reading the terms and conditions of a website. Sometimes you understand nothing, and still you say..."I Agree".....!
That awkward moment when the mosquito is more interested in persistently banging it`s head against the windshield of your vehicle in an attempt to escape your presence than it is in trying to bite you. #feelingunattractive
I grew up for this?
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
Still waiting for the moment when there will be a "add to wishlist" button on people`s facebook profile !!
Cop: Been drinking tonight, ma`am? Me: No, I`m just dizzy b/c I`m having a heavy flow day. It`s really clotty and... Cop: You`re free to go.
I ordered some bubble wrap online. It arrived in a box surrounded by packing peanuts.
If any of you ladies want pancakes for breakfast, just come over....you can make them here, because I want some too
That one-day popularity on Facebook because it’s your birthday.
On a scale of 1-10, I give this day a middle finger.
To my neighbor using a chainsaw at 7:30 on a Sunday morning: Try holding the other end.
That awkward moment when you forget what you’re watching during the commercial break.