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It`s been a boring day today. Not exactly Nascar boring, but awfully close.
Contrary to popular belief, it`s actually the fat that makes you look fat. It was never the dress
The only correct answer to "Are you ticklish?" is "I have explosive diarrhea right now,"
I have an irrational fear of speedbumps… but, I’m slowly getting over it.
Pretty considerate of germs to count all the way to five before jumping on the food we drop.
All the coffee beans in South America can`t make me a morning person.
I took a pic of my self a few days ago. Now I`m playing with it. Yeah...I`m playing with my selfie.
My life is like a romantic comedy except there’s no romance and It’s just me laughing at my own jokes.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
I just saw a man salute the Budweiser truck on the highway. LMAO
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
I don`t know what`s longer, a treadmill minute or a microwave minute.
I believe in karma which means I can do bad things to people all day long and just assume they deserve it.
I`ll give up my thesaurus when you pry it from my frigid, frosty, frozen, cadaverous, lifeless, stiff, defunct extremities.
Reasons to date me: I laugh at my own jokes so you don`t have to.