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"I don`t know what the f*ck this tastes like." - first person to eat chicken.
I keep forgetting how bad my memory has become..
Wanna come over tonight for pizza and sex? lol jk, there`s no pizza
I wonder how seaworld would react if I walked in there with a fishing pole....
There may be no excuse for laziness, but Iām still looking.
Happy Hallogivemas!!!!!! It`s the time of year when the stores sell Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas stuff all on ONE aisle!
New Subway rule: You must give the person in front of you a wedgie if they take more than 5 seconds to choose what kind of bread they want.
When does paying taxes get shut down? Asking for everyone with a job.
My dream job is a pharmacy cashier & yelling for a price check every time someone checks out anal ointment, condoms, & men buying maxi pads.
when a police officer yells turn around . Do not respond by singing . Every now and then i get a little bit lonely when you never come around
I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!
is a reasonably intelligent person who does moderately stupid things on a semi-regular basis.
Why do fifty percent of marriages end in divorce? Well, I`m guessing it`s because the other fifty percent can`t afford lawyers.
Iām trying to read a book about how to relax, but I keep falling asleep
I am woman, hear me say the opposite of what I mean in that tone that means you`d better do what I meant and not what I said.