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"That`s crazy" is the perfect response when you haven`t been listening.
People who live in glass houses should not throw orgies
"You know, I wish I`d never gone to the pool that day." ~Marco Polo
Insanity means never having to say “I’m Guilty”.
The hardest thing about looking for work is the sobriety.
Wish my girlfriend was awake, could really do with a sandwich right now.
Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year, and then discover once a year is way too often.
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
I wonder what Facebook employees do at work to waste time.
I can`t be the only one who thinks "Game on, mother f*cker" when I see an air freshner in a bathroom.
When I die, bury me with a pack of smokes, no light. Where I`m going, there will have plenty of free fires to light from.
The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."
Not every flower can say love, but a rose did. Not every plant can survive thirst, but a cactus did. Not every dummy can read, but look at you go...... *high 5*
Some people wonder why I never like or comment on their posts. It’s because I unfollowed you a long time ago.
Of all the people who "claim" not to give a sh!t, I`m pretty sure the guy standing barefoot in front of the urinal at the gym is the winner.