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What I learned from Titanic was that you need to have sex as soon as possilble with the person you like cause you never know what might happen.
Do you ever notice that when you´re driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Drinking lots of beer and doing my taxes. So far the Government owes me 3.1 million. I love this Country!
Thought cartoons were getting better. Turns out it was a news story about Justin Bieber.
Olive Garden says “When you’re here you’re family”, how could they expect me NOT to think I’m entitled to a free meal.
I maybe wrong but I doubt it.
Psychology — Even trying to spell it correctly screws with your head.
oh look at the time, it`s time to not care
Yes Officer, I carry a knife, but that`s just in case I find a cake.
That awkward moment when you finish watching a TV series and you don’t know what to do with your life any more.
Dear Toilet Paper Makers, We`ve all unexpectedly run out at some point. Please make the tube in the center softer. Thank you...
The hardest part about a Zombie Apocalypse is pretending I’m not excited.
If you`re not employed by the Secret Service, there is absolutely no reason to have a Bluetooth on your ear.
Dear person reading this, just want you to know that someone cares about you. It`s not me, but I`m sure someone does...
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.