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French people give me the crepes.
Every loaf of bread is a tragic story of grains that could`ve become beer, but didn`t
I don`t get offered drugs nearly as often as D.A.R.E. said I would.
John has 35 candy bars. If John eats 27 of them what does he have? .... Diabetes. John has diabetes.
I wonder how long I`d be on hold if my call wasn`t important to them.
After opening this month`s electric bill, I am no longer scared of the dark.
My mom just sent me a friend request on Facebook! Finally I can use that "I`m not your friend I`m your mother" speech to my advantage.
received a call saying that my son had been lying in school, and was being expelled. I don´t have a son. That kid is one damn good liar.
People who go rock climbing: you know you don`t have to, right
Ahhh, the 4th of July. The day where trips to hospital start with the words "Hold my beer and watch this!"
“I’m not washing it, I’m just gonna shove it in a pony.” If you’re a girl, that sentence is actually ok.
You don`t need to use your words if you`re carrying a machete. People just seem to figure it out.
You never truly appreciate Newton’s laws of motion until you’ve sneezed while going to the bathroom.
You never outgrow sleepovers, they just become coed.
Is it just me, or did anyone else wake up on the SEXY side of the bed this morning?