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never be afraid to wipe twice
Well bugger... Just realised the plant ive been watering for 2 years is fake.
Never fight anyone who bows to you first.
This hangover feels like... I should take a shot.
Some people should calm down, take a deep breath and then hold it for 20 minutes.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
Facebook: The only place where you get excited when strangers follow you.
I just had a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to F off!! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn`t starving!!
Wow....turns out I`m NOT a Ninja. That really hurt.
I`ve accidentally swallowed a load of scrabble pieces.........My next poop could spell trouble.
Whenever I drive past the psychic’s empty parking lot, I think, if I was psychic I would only be open on the days I knew people were coming.
R.I.P. 2013 (2013-2013)
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
When I go into a bar I shout out "YOU CHEATING WHORE!" Whoever turns around is who I`m buying drinks for.
I just bought a house, car and a boat with no payments until 2013. Those f`ing Mayans better be right…