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Maybe teenagers just aren`t strong enough yet to remove the sticker from their hat
I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
A psychiatrist is just a friend you pay to listen to your problems because your other friends are tired of hearing about them.
It’s amazing how little information I need on someone before I decide I don’t like them.
Do women know that it`s perfectly legal to apply makeup at home before they get in their car?
Every novel is a mystery novel if you never finish it
I sleep better naked…why can’t the flight attendant understand this?
I`m late on the give thanks every day in November thing... so let me catch up. Days 1-22. I`m thankful for boobs
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
“Check that sh!t out” luckily rarely refers to actual sh!t.
I bet Snowmen think it`s weird that the ground is completely covered in their skin.
Ever talk to someone so stupid you can hear them misspelling words?
Single women come home, see what`s in the fridge and go to bed...while married women come home see what`s in the bed and go to the fridge.
I feel like grabbing some random kid and screaming "I`m YOU from the future!"
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.