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I have decided to stop doing things "Like a Boss" and will now do things "Like a Rhinestone Cowboy."
To be truthful from deep down ... I don`t believe that paper beats rock.
Why do hospitals need to advertise? It`s not like I`m going to go to Home Depot instead.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
I was going to LIKE and compliment your FB pic, but I`m not a good liar.
The first thing I do when I get a telemarketer call is say "Let`s go off script. What are you wearing?"
Facebook is great! It reminds me to go to the gym and take my birth control so I don`t end up like everyone I went to high school with.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
There`s a bald spot in my yard so I`m gonna let the grass grow around it really long and then do a comb over.
Apparently, "I Know" is not a good answer when your friend tells you how good his girlfriend is in bed.
Son, you don`t get anything in life without trying hard and working for it. Now be quiet, there about to announce the lottery results...
If McDonald´s sold hot dogs, could u, with a straight face, order a McWeiner & tell them 2 super size it?
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.
My Son: The marriage vows say "tell death do us part", so we are not married in heaven ? Me: That`s right son, cause if we were still married, we`d be in hell.