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Why is it that whenever there`s two women in a profile pic, the hot one is always someone else..?
I’m starting to think that the gym isn’t really for me. I went this morning and laid down on the mat to do some sit-ups. I woke up 2 hours later.
Sometimes I`m completely inconsiderate to other peoples feelings. And other times I`m asleep.
It may look like I’m having really deep thoughts but 99% of the time I’m just thinking about what food I’m going to eat later.
My favorite Facebook photo of your baby is easily #28,614
LOOK A UFO! Quick, grab the worst camera money can buy.
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you`re signing a cast.
If you can’t be an athlete, be an athletic supporter.
Hello customer service, I ate two happy meals and I’m still not happy
"Size DOES matter", I whisper to my double stuffed Oreos.
I`m at my most likable before you get to know me.
Remember, children. The best way to get a puppy for Christmas is to beg for a baby brother.
My friends made fun of me for buying this flamethrower, but at least I don`t have to shovel snow this weekend.
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
It only takes one person to ruin it for everyone...Be that person.