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Im a leader not a follower... unless its a dark place then f*ck that your going first!
One of my biggest fear is being chased by Usain Bolt during zombie apocalypse.
Someone told me I`m immature and need to grow up. Guess who`s not allowed in my treehouse now.
My wife wants to have more kids but I don`t want to have to learn anyone else`s name.
Do you ever wake up and kiss someone next to you and appreciate being alive? I did this and was chased out of the bus
I try to live each day like it`s my last, which is why I rarely have clean socks. Who wants to wash socks on the last day of their life?
Example of the difference between `You`re`and `Your`: 1. "You`re nuts" = "You are nuts" 2. "Your nuts" = "What about my nuts?"
Sometimes you`ve got to ask yourself: "Why am I talking to myself?"
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
I own a shop selling `CLOSED` signs. We haven`t had a single customer today.
If you had to choose between your significant other and a million dollars, what`s the first thing you`d buy?
You ever want to just grab someone and say, WTF is wrong with you?
Day 10: I am thankful there are only 20 days left for all my friends to be thankful about how awesome their lives are.
I`m trying to give up sexual innuendos. But it`s hard........so hard......
My husband told me he needed more space ... So I locked him outside.