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FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
My train of thought is loco, no motive.
Before McDonald`s I bet "don`t buy cheeseburgers from a clown" was a pretty hard and fast rule.
Playing dead on the couch all day in case a bear attacks. That`s not lazy, that`s proactive.
Exercise? I thought you said "extra fries".
Too bad the little guy "Tattoo" from Fantasy Island isn`t around anymore. They could ask HIM where the plane is!
If heat makes things expand, then I don`t have a weight problem ... I am just Hot!
As you get older three things happen. The first is your memory goes, and I can´t remember the other two.
I hung a horseshoe above the door for goodluck ... My wife still came home ... Superstitions are stupid.
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I´m typing this with my middle finger.
Always keep a bottle of wine in the fridge for special occasions. You know…like Thursday.
Every day is St. Patrick`s Day when you`re a drunk who likes to pinch people.
Nobody pissed me off today... I got to get out more.
Go to police station 2. Say a gang mugged you 3. Describe your own relatives to police sketch artist 4. Claim free family portrait
People without kids: I`ll never yell at my kids ... People with kids: I DONT KNOW WHY SOMEONE SPIT THEIR GUM ON THE ROAD, JUST WALK!