Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
What kind of paperwork do I need to fill out to get a permit to set my children free in the wild?
I party like a Rockstar. A very poor Rockstar who isn`t in a band anymore.
My greatest fear is that I will accidentally use the status update bar as the search bar on my browser.
It saddens me to think that I`ll never be able to watch my own a$$ as I walk away :(
I hate when its dark and my brain is like “Hey you know what we haven’t thought of in a while?” Monsters.
I walked into a bar in my pirate suit and a ships wheel in my pants.... The bartender asked... "Why do you have a wheel in your pants"? I replied "Argh.. it`s driving me nuts".
Just saw the little boy next door licking whip cream off the cat. Pretty sure he heard something he shouldn`t have.
Holding my breath until someone likes this status.
"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."
Dating should be like buying a car... You should get to talk to the previous owners! SHOW ME THE MANFAX
Madonna is 55 her boyfriend is 22. Tina Turner is 75 her boyfriend is 40. JLo is 42 her boyfriend is 26. Still single? Relax. Your boyfriend hasn`t been born yet.
Waved to my ex today, next time I might use all my fingers
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
No man has ever won a game of `notice anything different about me?`
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.