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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
I just found out people are playing golf online. And I thought my life sucked!
This hangover feels like Quentin Tarantino directed it.
Apparently, you can only say "Look at you! You got so big!" to kids. Old girlfriends tend to get offended. Who knew?
Can`t reach it. Don`t need it.
Steve Jobs` text was meant to say: "I reign as CEO of Apple" Iphone autocorrect strikes again!
is wondering why Facebook bothers to give the option of "liking" my own comment? Of course I like my own comments. I´m awesome..
How do they fit all that money inside such a tiny credit card??
Dear future boyfriend/girlfriend, where the hell are you?
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
Give fat people a break. They have a lot on their plate.
There is no vulnerable feeling like when you are about to sneeze ... with a mouthful of rice.
People often mistake me for being a good listener. The truth is, I really just don`t want to talk.
I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.
My wife accused me of spending too much time on Facebook. That’s funny, when did I get a wife?