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Truthfully officer, I wouldn`t have pulled over, if I known all you were gonna do is complain about my driving.
I don´t like to think of myself as "Special"... I think I would call me a limited edition.
Not to brag or anything, but I got the high score on my scale today.
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
I know the voices aren`t real but they have some great ideas.
Some people are like rain clouds. Once they f*ck off, it`s a beautiful day.
Is there a phobia for leaving the house when your phone isn`t fully charged? There should be.
Why is it the less money someone makes the better they are at reproducing?
Even if your not successful in life , You are guaranteed to get two certificates
Would people still go to the gym if Instagram didn`t exist?
Whenever someone says to me “Things could be worse” I punch them in the face and say “Like that?”
If you find a four-leaf clover it means you have entirely too much time on your hands.
is without a doubt, the most popular and best looking person using this laptop.
I wish there was a way to find out how many boners you’ve caused in a lifetime, I wanna check my stats.
When you are not happy and would like to go back to being young, think of Algebra!