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Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
Apparently the drunk guy at the urinal next to me is under the impression that I was stung in the leg by a jellyfish.
“Are you working right now? Where are you working?” Facebook is worse than my parents.
Seems like you could save a lot of time if you just paired The Bachelor with The Bachelorette.
Having children is a fantastic source of free labor.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
It`s not so much that I have to work that bothers me...oh wait, yes it is.
I’ve got a friend whose nickname is “Shagger”. You might think that’s pretty cool. She doesn’t like it
There`s a lot of perks being a single parent, for one no witnesses.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
you know what`s funny? Obviously neither do I or I would have posted it.
If nobody hates you, you are doing something boring.
A shake for breakfast. A shake for lunch. A sensible dinner. SEVENTY FIVE COOKIES AT 12:34AM
If you`re sad/single/both on valentines day just remember you can buy 40 chicken nuggets at McDonald`s for $8.99
I wonder if my neighbors are more tired of hearing my dog bark or me screaming at it to shut the f*ck up.