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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

They say the key to a fitness routine is having a workout buddy and that`s why I surround myself with lazy people
What idiot named them jet skis instead of boatercycles?
Let’s all take a moment and be thankful spiders can’t fly.
These β€˜energy saving’ light-bulbs are bullsh!t. They take just as much effort to screw in as the ordinary ones.
Unless your "Awesome Sauce" is an actual sauce and it involves putting it on a steak then I don`t want to hear about it.
Every so often, I try to fornicate a large word into conversation, even if I’m not sure what it means
Silence is Golden, but telling some people to go f*ck themselves is PRICELESS...!
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
Sobriety is an illusion created by alcohol deficiency.
What`s the point of blurring out the middle finger on TV, like oh you`ve fooled me, what`s behind that blur? Is it a monkey? A pencil?
I am not real pumped up about the Super Bowl this year!
Never ask a Leper to "give you a hand", seriously, don`t........................
Running behind is my cardio.
I purposely cry while cutting carrots so onions don`t think they`re ugly or something.
I`m using voice-to-text to post this status. All I do is talk and it makes a text out of it. It`s really cool... Hey! What are you doing? That`s my phone! Give it back! Come back here, you son of a...