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After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
Some people say having a child is the best experience in the world. These people obviously never had 2 thing fall from a vending machine at once.
I was struggling,trying to figure out how lightning works .....then it struck me!
Went down the gym and burnt 1200 calories today. I forgot to take the pizza out of the oven!
I only seem to remember I want to lose weight after eating 6 cookies.
Life is like a box of chocolates. Get your own and stay the hell out of mine.
It`s weird to think that these Forever Stamps will outlive me.
Bring a hedgehog into the library and frantically ask the clerks where they keep the reverse spell casting books.
The reason grilled cheese sandwiches and tomato soup are such a great combination is because they are the same basic ingredients as pizza.
The invention of the shovel was groundbreaking!
Decided to get in touch with my feminine side today... I made myself a sandwich!
This one time, I got trapped inside a couch cushion fort for like 47 days cause I forgot to put a secret door on it.
I think I will stick to my old fashioned pepper shaker. This new pepper spray tastes terrible on my potatoes...
“Star Wars” fans are very upset that the story line of the upcoming new “Star Wars” movie has been leaked. Apparently the movie starts with R2-D2, Chewbacca, and Han
I need to find a woman that loves me for my money....but doesn`t understand math. (<>..,<>)