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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
the dude who posted ”MERRY CHRISTMAS“ has still got his head shoved up the turkeys A$$ it seems...
The real trouble with reality is that there´s no background music
Some people should be very grateful I don`t have mob connections.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
Do whatever you want. And if it’s something you’re going to regret in the morning…sleep late.
I ate too much salad over the weekend so I`m going on an Oreo cleanse today.
Texts from mom: Thanks to the supreme court, now it`s not just women who won`t marry you.
I`m looking up in the sky and I have no idea which cloud has all my data
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
Asking a guy, "Are you done with that?" & pointing to his girlfriend, is frowned upon. Apparently.
Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.
Scientists say the universe is made up of protons, neutrons and electrons. They forgot to mention Morons!