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I have many talents, but giving an f*ck isn’t one of them
Remember the good old days when LOL meant "Laugh out loud" and not "I can`t think of a good reply"?
Iron man is a super hero, Iron woman is a command.
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
This lasagna recipe has been handed down in my family for generations in the hopes that someone would eventually make it.
If you`re stuck in a group text, one easy way to get out is to throw your phone in the ocean and start a new life.
Peanut butter and jelly. That´s what I like in my belly
My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned because I couldn`t concentrate.
A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
I`m about 0 for 300 in looking for safes behind wall paintings
I`m the opposite of psychic. I don`t even know what I`m thinking! ;)
When it gets nice out I`m going to have a roof party and after that`s done have a painting party inside, come all
In other news millions of facebook user suddenly got their law degree
Probably the worst thing you can do to a person is leave them a voicemail.
I bought a screwdriver bit for my electric drill. It`s useful for converting ordinary phillips screws into non removable screws.