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So what was the best thing before sliced bread?
Sometimes I stand in the shower for 10 minutes before I remember what I`m supposed to be doing. So, yes your secrets are safe with me.
I pretend to like people everyday. It`s called being an adult. That`s why we`re allowed to buy booze.
Once again I`ve woken up without super powers. Sigh
Everybody stop what you`re doing and play with crayons! You`re wlecome, enjoy the day.
I quit my job and handed in my badge and gun to my boss, he said, why do you have a gun? You work at McDonald’s.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
Blue&Black or White&Gold? Who cares what color the dress is, so long as its balled up on the floor of my bedroom.
Apparently, all those good looking people in the swimsuit catalogs go to a different beach than I do.
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
Me? Stalk? No, I just observe... behind a tree... at night…in the rain.
Whatever doesn’t kill me makes me all like, “Whoa! That was close!”
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
Testing shows that people in the USA know less about geography than England, Japan and like 100 other countries I`ve never heard of.