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I bought a $300 dollar tent so I can camp outside Best Buy for 3 days to save $20 on a TV.
President Obama says his daughters need minimum wage jobs to "learn what it means to work." May I suggest the same for members of Congress?
I wouldn’t have to manage my anger, if people could learn to manage their stupidity.
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
To be Frank, I`ll have to change my name.
You know you`re getting old when speed limits start to seem reasonable to you.
Ever have to poop and your abdominals start to relax just as you near the toilet, and then you notice that `Out of Order` sign or the empty toilet paper dispenser?
I`ve officially reached the point in my life where the trash goes out on Friday nights way more often than I do.
Diet Tip #63 : Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories a hour.
If women ran the world we wouldn’t have wars, just intense negotiations every 28 days.
The 21st century: When deleting history is more important than making it.
Wait, whaddya mean... cookie dough can be baked? Seriously?
I went for a run tonight. Sure, it was a beer run but, I was still sweating by the end.
Anyone know how much snow is too much snow not to go to the liquor store?