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I may look like I`m doing nothing, but in my head I`m quite busy.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
The secret to eternal life and happiness could be hidden in the Terms & Conditions and we would never know.
If you`re going to be a smartass, you must first be smart. Otherwise, you`re just an ass.
2 cops walk into a bar… I don’t know what happened after that. I got the f*ck out of there.
I hear the Pink Panther song when I sneak down the hall for a midnight snack..
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
Free will is good, but free pizza is better.
I love my friends unconditionally.* *Certain terms and conditions may apply. May not be available on all days. Coverage not available in all locations.Offer good for 30 days.Requires two-year minimum agreement. Fees applied for activation and early termination.
Going to one of those places where you chop down your own Christmas tree, and then try to get away before they catch you.
Due to the weather, I was able to use the words "wet and slippery" at work all day without anyone thinking I`m a big perv.
People who say, “Happy New Year” to you on the 4th of January are not really your friends.
If you`ve ever wondered why an animal is stupid enough to run into oncoming traffic on the highway, then you`ve obviously never been married.
The guy who invented the Time Machine has just died.... RIP DAVE JONES 2187-2014
I`m so poor I went to the ducks today to beg for bread...