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There are no limits to what you can accomplish when you are suppose to be doing something else.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
There`s never been a single day in my life when I thought to myself " thank god the cops are here"
I saw a lady with twins babies. One had a shirt that said ‘Copy’ the other ‘Paste’. That made my day.
Drake isn`t even a rapper anymore. He`s an emotion, like "how are you doing today?" "idk im feeling kinda drake though"
Sometimes I just open up the cabinet and let the Tupperware hit me in the face on purpose.
Im 6`1", blue eyes, light brown hair, fit, own my own compa......oh crap, wrong website, sorry.
I liked your facebook update, only so I can unlike it.
I`m sexy and I know it really is....... your slutty and you blow it.
Getting older is pretty much just paying bills and finally understanding why killers in horror flicks target teenagers.
I don’t care how loud I’m laughing, I’m having fun and you’re not.
Just once I want to see a car with one woman sticker and twelve cat stickers.
Ironman and Batman`s only super powers is being super rich and smart really makes Bill Gates a real disappointment.
Congratulations on becoming a homeowner! From now on, every noise you hear will cost you money.
Honking your horn is fun but rolling down your window and screaming “honk” at people is just way more satisfying.