Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Her: Do I look fat? Him: Do I look stupid?...
If I treated others how I wanted to be treated, I`d be doing a ton of spontaneous sexual favors for random strangers.
Stall Cleaning service, Satisfaction guaranteed or 100% or you manure back!
Don`t you love followers that don`t acknowledge your existence. Its so cute. Its like I have tiny marriages all over the world.
A graham cracker is just a white dude selling coke in the ghetto.
Doctor said only clear liquids before surgery. Vodka qualifies right?
Somehow I`m not nearly as overjoyed with this vegetable slicer as the woman on the infomercial was.
If there wasn’t such thing as a last minute I’d never get anything done.
The problem with the girl of my dreams is that she’s never around when I’m awake.
I`m just looking for a reason not to drink
why do people with bad teeth always have a smile on there face
I am as lazy as the guy who designed the Japanses Flag
I am NOT high maintenance, I simply have more preferences than most.
I never used to mind my wife hitting me in the face as she climaxed until I found out she was faking it.
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"