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So if one was to type βidiotβ into Google, would your picture come up?
Nothing is more comical than seeing someone tiptoe with cheeks clenched hastily en route to a washroom to do #2.
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
My medical ID bracelet says "just let it happen"
Four words that I never want to hear: we`re out of beer
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
Fun Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, meatless years.
Why don`t strip clubs do Black Friday? It would be the one place I would camp out to go in.
When ur mom Calls and u have a party at ur house you; shut up!! Answers phone you; hi mommy!
I plan on being up really late tonight making voodoo dolls for, well, never mind, you will know who you are soon enough.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
There is a gym called Anytime Fitness. I choose 2030.
Can I just drop it like itβs luke warm? Itβs been a long day and Iβm tired.
The drunker I get, the more dance moves I know.
You haven`t truly tested your patience yet until you get stuck behind an undecided person at a Redbox kiosk.