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I am the reason why Waldo is hiding.
I wouldn`t mind being alone with my thoughts, if I didn`t know them all so well.
I think I`m gonna take a hot shower. Its like a normal shower, but with me in it.
I`m in therapy to learn how to deal with people who should be in therapy
For once I`d like to see "It`s been a crappy year, mainly cause your were part of it"
Night people could take over the world if we weren’t so busy finding something good on TV.
Neat, your girlfriend is made out of the same stuff as your air guitar!
Without stupid people we would have no one to laugh at.
Everything I like is either: illegal, immoral, fattening, addictive, expensive, or impossible.
Cigarettes have warning labels because they are dangerous and addictive yet vaginas are allowed to just roam around freely.
My dinner stomach is full, but my dessert stomach still has room.
Ladies, I hate to break this to you, but curves and rolls are not the same thing.
Guys be like, "Lets play 21 question." Girl: Ok, what`s your favorite color? Boy: Triangle, so you a virgin?
thinks it`ll just be my luck to win the Lottery tonight ...... and the world WILL end tomorrow!
Sleep is my drug, my bed is my dealer, and my alarm clock is police.