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From 8am until 12pm, my job basically pays me to think about what I am going to have for lunch.
I hate when I accidentally say "I love you" instead of "I`m biologically driven to want to reproduce with you and I`m temporarily delusional."
On a scale from 0 to insane, I`m Batman!
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
Burger King is offering delivery service in some areas. I don’t trust it. Everyone knows it’s impossible to drive without eating the fries.
Do bees even have knees?
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.
Almost considered doing something with my life, but then I sat down and logged into Facebook.
Rabbits jump and they live for 8 years. Dogs run and they live for 15 years. Turtles do nothing & they live for 150 years. Lesson learned
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Target had a credit card breach? But only with in-store purchases, not online? More proof you`re better off staying home with no pants on.
It’s getting harder and harder to find vodka-flavored vodka.
“Make it rain” is the only appropriate response when asked if you want freshly grated parmesan.
They say you need to listen to what your body is telling you. But mine just points and laughs.