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...and this right here son is called pornography, and it`s why they invented the internet.
The word "Lovers" bums me out unless it`s between the words "Meat" and "Pizza".
Sometimes I get road rage standing in lines.
I wrote you this love poem: Here, just take my credit card.
I`m "keeps a pair of underwear in the glove box because I don`t trust my farts anymore" years old.
Pretty sure autocorrect and Siri talk shit about me behind my back.
They say money talks, mine just waves goodbye.
Today`s Horoscope: You`re gullible
Jokes on you hot chick at the bar who gave me a radio station`s phone number I just won Harlem Globetrotter tickets and a Bud Light poncho.
people say that sarcasm is the lowest form of wit, but it`s the only way I can talk to you.
When you are a kid, it makes you feel proud when someone says "Wow! You`ve gotten so big since I last saw you!" As an adult, not so much.
They say you are what you eat. I don`t remember eating a sexy beast this morning...
SEX! Now that I got your attention. I just wanted to say, "Have a great weekend!"
Jingle bells johnny smells, amelia ruled the show, frankies okay, marcus is gay, little mix all the way.. HAY !!!
The exam hall is the only place on the earth where everyone is desperate for teamwork..