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I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Well, it’s mostly grapes actually. Okay, all grapes. Fermented grapes. Ok, I’m having wine for dinner.
lol <- looks like a stick man drowning. lol
Before I lose my phone, end up naked, high, drunk and/or possibly arrested, I would like to wish you all a Happy Friday.
FACT: If you want to keep a secret from me, put it inside a Facebook event invitation.
I`m getting older but I still have my moments...though I don`t always remember where I put them
Paused Willy Wonka and The Chocolate Factory to go buy a Snickers. This is why I can`t watch Breaking Bad.
If your that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Actually according to chemists, alcohol IS a solution…
Hash browns not tags.
I tried to give a cute waitress my phone number by writing it on the credit card receipt but accidentally tipped her 9 billion dollars.
I know you shouldn`t text and drive but I`ve only had 2-3 texts tonight, tops, so I should be okay to drive.
I just saw a disclaimer that said "don`t try this at home", so I tried it at my neighbors house.
The future was so much cooler in the past.
Anyone who calls it a "day off with the kids"... Either has no kids or doesn`t know what "day off" means.
People who go to the store and buy the single roll of toilet paper must not have an optimistic view of their life expectancy.