Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
If I saw a ghost, I would not be scared. I’d be like “Sit your translucent ass down, I have a lot of questions!”
Never catch snowflakes with your tongue until ALL the birds have gone South for the Winter.
so far so good.... no unexpected father`s day cards or presents!
Have you ever stopped to think, and forgot to start again?
I dreamt that was dreaming, and then someone woke me up and told me I was dreaming but it turned out I had only dreamed that so I went back to sleep in my dream, all upset that my dream that I was dreaming was interrupted by another dream....hahahahaha.....whoa, need to lay off the Red Bull.
If everybody was consistently as determined as they are when they carry all groceries in one trip, this world would be in a better place.
They say that money talks, but mine just waves goodbye.
A month ago I gave my number to this beautiful girl. She said "I will text you when I get home". I think she`s homeless.
How do Amish girls know if it`s a romantic candle lit dinner or just a regular one #DeepThoughts
I came home one day all proud as can be with my report card and said to my Mom ,Look I got a B in reading , She said that`s a D you moron !
Spent 40 minutes on the treadmill this morning. Next time I might turn it on.
Girl scout cookies suck! I ate like 20 boxes of thin mints and I`m not any thinner.
Sarcasm is a dominant gene in my family.
RIP to my hair dryer. It was the only thing to blow me for the last 10 years and never complain.