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Condom slogan: Wrap it in latex or she`ll get your paychecks.
there is a big difference between spray tanned and looking like you rolled in nacho chesse doritos.
I`ve single handedly defeated my erection.
Well, if you count Elmer Fudd singing "Kill the Wabbit" then yes, I do like opera.
Your boyfriend has long hair too. I sometimes have trouble figuring out who the girl is in the relationship.
Just found out What the Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
I think I could be a farmer. Except for the dirt, waking up early, wearing overalls and planting crops. But I wouldn’t mind driving a tractor around.
Home is where you can say anything you want, because nobody listens to you anyway.
The Braille on the drive-thru ATM actually says, "Move to the passenger seat"
Tattoos are an expensive and painful way to guarantee that the police can make a positive identification.
Well, it`s easy to tell I`m single. It`s Saturday night and I`m at home updating my facebook status...
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody`s there to appreciate it.
Who says I can`t relate to today`s youth? I overheard a teenager saying he loved "riding on E" and I was like "I totally get it, gas is so damn expensive".
Some days you just can`t get home to your liquor fast enough
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"