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"Give me your finest meal, money is of no concern." ~ Me at McDonald`s on pay day.
I`m not shy. I`m just being quiet because I know that if I open my mouth to speak, a flow of never- ceasing, insulting comment directed at you will immediately spew from within me.
*Gets absolutely nothing done*… Welp time for a break.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
If I`m not back in ten minutes ... then just wait longer.
I did not trip...the floor looked like it needed a hug.
Not sure yet why this cookie dough has baking instructions on the package.
I want my tombstone to say "It didn`t make me stronger."
I`m at my neighbor`s house having the most delicious dinner. Hope I finish before they get home!
My favorite word is `apparently`. Makes anything sound sarcastic. He`s intelligent, apparently.
I burned my mouth on my pizza and I feel this is a strong metaphor showing me that the ones we love can hurt us the most.
Turns out a At Home DNA Test is not a good baby shower gift.
Fun Prank: Put $1000 in an envelope and mail it to me.
I`m ok with women faking it in bed. I faked everything to get her there.
I don’t have a bucket list, but my f*cket list is a mile long.