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The advantage of a bad memory is that one enjoys several times the same good things for the first time.
I had four E`s and LSD last night. Such an awful start to a game of scrabble!!
Don`t you just hate it when people say stuff in thier status that you really didn`t want to know? I hate that. Anyway, I gotta go poop. Talk to ya later.
Sometimes I think if it weren`t for the gutter my mind would be homeless...
Mothers never really understand the irony of calling their children "come here you son of a bitch"
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
Just as I predicted, today was in fact a new day!
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
25% of of the women in this country are on medication for mental illness. The other 75% are running around untreated.
I went outside once. The graphics were amazing but the gameplay and storyline were TERRIBLE.
Just think how cold and snowy it would be WITHOUT global warming!
To calculate the average number of times a guy has sex per week, multiply the number of fantasy football leagues he`s in by the number zero.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
Sometimes I get a little sad and feel like being alone. But then I talk to my dog about it and he reminds me I`m Awesome. Then WE DANCE.
The other night, I posted on Facebook I was going to sleep shirtless. The next day I logged on and saw 7 mosquitoes "like" this.