Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
"I`m single and ready to mingle"..oh god, is this why I`m still single, cuz I say sh!t like that?
The further you push me away, the more I begin to enjoy viewing you from a distance.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
Is it true that the older you get the crazier you become? Or is that just me?
I feel like the majority of Eminem`s songs are just him reading from his diary with angry background music.
I am, have to avoid the leg cramps during sex, years old.
It must be really hard to judge wet t-shirt contests. I saw one recently, and all the t-shirts looked equally wet.
My husband told me that in some cultures women do all the housework, so I told him in some cultures blow jobs don`t exist. He`s vacuuming
It`s that time of the evening where my beer bottle has magically turned into a microphone again.
Iām pretty sure I could start a new life with only the crap in my car.
The longer I stay at home. The more homeless looking I look.
I`m like the toughest guy in this comic book store.
Ten out of ten pigs prefer turkey bacon over regular bacon.
Alcohol is never the answer, unless the question is, "why were you barely conscious on the kitchen floor eating dog food?"
The fact that jellyfish have survived for 650 million years despite not have brains is great news for stupid people.