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I’m beginning to believe that successful relationships come down to Netflix compatibility.
It`s kind of funny how so many people think that being gay is a choice but being fat isn`t
I want someone to look at me the way I look at the waiter when he brings my meal.
I`m sorry I got salsa on your baby, and I`m extra sorry I scraped it off with a chip
FYI: Taking permanent marker and writting Aeropostale on Fruit of the Loom tee shirts will NOT fool your teenager.
People who copy and paste jokes from other’s status messages are idiots…A few seconds ago • Like • Comment
I`m off to bed. For those of you who wish to add a touch of authenticity to your fantasies, the sheets are pale blue...
I probably shouldn’t have driven home from the bar last night ... Especially as I walked there in the first place.
To hell with the "dislike" button! i think we need a "who cares" button, a "WTF" button and a "STFU!" button. just saying.... Oh and a "lol" button because i just get tired of writing it! lol!
"User Friendly" is just another way of saying stupid.......
I`ve spotted six Pokémon today but I don`t have the game so I may need new meds...
The best thing about weed is it teaches you that it`s okay to take 35 minutes to make a sandwich
Weekends r like d salary.. It takes a lot to get thr, & whn it finally does, it`s over in no time ;) - aa
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?
If you love something, feed it so much that it get’s too fat for anyone else to want.