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Those kids in the Trix commercials were real jerks. Why couldn’t they just share their cereal with the rabbit?
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
take me drunk i`m home
Heard you like bad boys .... Well, I`m not trying to impress you or anything, but when Disney Channel asked me to go to their website with my parents permission, I didn`t ask my parents.
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
If I gave you a penny for your thoughts I`d totally be expecting some change back.
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan.
When you say "9 out of 10 forest fires are caused by humans." All I hear is "there`s a bear out there that knows how to use matches."
It`s called fall because everything is falling; leaves, temperature, bank account, gpa, motivation...
And then God said, "Seems unfair to have given man an extra limb so to balance it out I`ll give women the power over which to control it."
I don`t understand why I cant lose weight. I thought dieting was a piece of cake.
To Do: Figure out how to get paid to travel the world and eat.
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.