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Just once...one time; can`t we buy a tree that doesn`t try to attack me when I come home drunk at 2am.
You know what’s funny? Lot’s of sh!t. Loosen up already.
It`s shocking how much unhappiness is caused by the pressure to be happy.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
Old video games couldn`t be won. They just got harder and harder until you died. Just like real life.
You know it`s time to delete Facebook when your mom, dad, uncles, aunties, grandparents etc... is on it.
If lemons hand you life, you’re probably dyslexic
People who get offended on the internet are the same people who take mini golf seriously.
I really like what you`ve done with your crazy.
If you can`t tell the difference between delivery and Digiorno then you`re a f***ing idiot.
Weekends will from now on begin on Wednesday because that is when it should truly begin!
Look, here’s the deal: If you’re into immature, sexually compulsive men who drink too much and need to be the center of attention at all times, you are going to find me very attractive.
If you’re telling me to relax, it’s probably your fault that I’m not.
Just once I want my skills to be so urgently required that a helicopter is dispatched to pick me up.
You seem awesome. I can`t wait to find out what I hate about you.