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If I ran my legs as much as I did my mouth, I`d be in fantastic shape.
On the Internet you can be anything you want ... It`s strange that so many people choose to be stupid.
Friends with benefits? What, like you can provide dental insurance?
Momma didn`t raise no fool. I did this all on my own.
No, I would not like to join your exclusive membership rewards club. Iām buying a sandwich.
You have to wait 30 days to buy a gun but Amazon Prime only takes 2 days to ship live bees, no questions asked.
I hate it when people hate me without even giving me a chance to give them a good reason to.
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Don`t half a$$ it. It`s not a real nap unless you take your pants off.
The only difference between Black Friday and a zombie apocalypse is that zombies don`t care if you get the last iPad Mini.
People were shocked when they found I wasn`t a good electrician. :-)
Always carry a knife. You never know when cake might happen.
For just once in my life I want my phone to ring and for someone on the other end to ask if I`m on a `secure line`
I would love to kill you with kindness, but all I have is this knife.
Dear single guys; open a pet shop selling cats. Let the single ladies come to you.