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Sometimes, you can just tell it`s gonna be a "does not play well with others" kind of day.
I tend to avoid things that make me look fat. You know like scales, mirrors and photographs
If we learned anything from the Mayans, it’s that if you don’t finish something, it’s not the end of the world
Sometimes, I like to stalk random strangers vacation pic`s, and tag myself as one of the people in the background just for laughs.
Texting totally changes your perception of how long stoplights are.
Zebras are just horses that escaped from prison.
I hate when I put food in the microwave & it starts makin explosive noises so I check and it’s cold like why you gotta play me like that.
I just read more people are killed by toasters than sharks.So if you`re swimming in the ocean and see a toaster SWIM FOR YOUR LIFE!
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
Relationships always start out as "You`re smart and funny." and end up as "You think you know everything and it`s all a joke to you!"
According to the 19 citations I got for trespassing and peeping, "neighborhood watch" isn`t what I thought it was.
Pretty sure nobody would run marathons if they were never allowed to talk about running marathons.
I think my smart phone is making fun of me behind my back.
When someone calls you a bitch just say a bitch is a dog, a dog barks, bark is on trees, trees are nature and nature is beautiful. thanks for the compliment ;)
I have nothing to update. I`m just making it look like I`m doing something at a party so people won`t talk to me.