Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Didn’t have internet on my phone for the past few hours. Finally graduated, got married, lost some weight, read 17 books and showered.
Woke up screaming this morning. My apologies to everyone in the meeting...
Get at least eight hours of beauty sleep, 9 if you`re ugly.
My doctor said I`m healthy enough for sexual activity ... I`m just not attractive enough.
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Having a toddler is like harboring a bipolar, schizophrenic, incontinent, adorable, tiny dictator.
Arguing politics is like trying to convince someone that their baby isn`t cute.
To honor Thanksgiving this month I will be calling every one Pilgrim instead of Dude or Bro-- Fair warning
Eat breakfast: Check...Pay Phone: Check...Conquer the world: Still Pending...
had a great time horseback riding today but then I ran out of quarters
I got caught peeing in the swimming pool today... The lifeguard shouted so loud I almost fell in.
The thought of having my own kids is scary because anyone who`s half me and half someone dumb enough to have sex with me is doomed
I`m laying on my yoga mat making up fake poses to fit my current activity level. Right now I`m in "downward facing chalk outline".
My therapist goes to her therapist five minutes after I leave.
Girls are supposed to dance. That`s why god gave them parts that jiggle.