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Have you ever seen the look on a mans face when he is truly sorry? Yeah, me either!
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
If I could have dinner with anyone either alive or dead. I would totally choose dead. Because, more food for me then.
Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
To whoever finds the $20 I dropped last night: spend it on alcohol. It`s what I would have wanted.
Fact: Vegetarians live up to nine years longer than meat-eaters. Nine horrible, tedious, meaningless, worthless, baconless, cheeseburgerless, meatless years.
I think I’m allergic to mornings.
my ex-girlfriend is a famous porn star. But would she be pissed if she found out.
My favorite part of country music is the part where I change the station.
I am finally old enough to realize my father was right, but now my kids think I am wrong.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Friends would describe me as classy, sassy and a bit smart-assy.
I like to think all pizzas are personal pizzas.
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
Million dollar idea: A snooze button that lets you sleep longer the harder you hit it.