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The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
The larger the implants, the more likely she’ll be confused by a push/pull door.
Separating the men from the boys, one mood swing at a time.
Mrs Bieber.... WHY U NO USE CONDOM?
Marriage: It`s sort of like a museum. You have to be quiet and you can`t really touch anything.
If you can`t remember my name, just say `donuts`.... I`ll turn around and look.
Of course I`m a good mother ... They`re still alive aren`t they.
Life is far too short to remove the USB safely.
Fantasy football is just Dungeons and Dragons for the people who used to beat up the people who played Dungeons and Dragons.
Why is the jolly Green giant so damn jolly
Why do the 5 seconds I have to wait before I can "skip ad" last 30 seconds?
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
Hey sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.
Doctor told me to lose some weight, and suggested walking.So no more drive through taco bell. Now I park 5 spaces away and walk in
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s