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To be truthful,,, I have never unrolled a sleeping bag and been able to roll it back up any smaller than the size of a garage.
Confidence is going after Moby Dick in a row boat ... and taking the tartar sauce with you.
I want rich people problems. Like where to park my yacht.
Just once I`d like someone to call me "sir" without having to add "you need to calm down or we`re going to have to ask you to leave"
People that walk behind cars get exhausted
I am Bad and thats Good. I will never be Good and thats not Bad. There`s no one i`d rather be than ME.
3 wishes for when I find a genie: 1. The more I eat the skinnier I get 2. One kid grows up to be a pharmacist 3. Other kid owns a winery
I have a fear of elevators, but I have an even greater fear of exercise.
Jogging backwards because I`m trying to gain a little weight
First you`re telling me to be myself, then you`re telling me to stop being an idiot. Make up your mind!
I am there for you no matter what, anytime, day or night, unless there is something good on TV or I am eating pie
Yeah I`m married, but get one thing straight,,, I do WHAT I want, WHEN I wanhjkjhgfd,, THIS IS SCOTT`S WIFE, HE HAS TO GO NOW, HE SAYS GOODNIGHT.
Sorry a remote fell out when you took off my bra
Never be mean to nerds. You never know, one day you might be working for them!
If you weren`t supposed to eat 15 Oreos in one sitting, they wouldn`t package them in rows of 15.