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Society has put an unnecessary amount of effort into the advancement of yogurt.
They should create an app that makes your cellphone go “ahhhhhhhh” when you plug it in.
An arranged marriage is just another way of saying that your parents helped you get laid.
I checked into a hotel this weekend. I told the girl I hoped the porn channel was disabled. She said "No, its just regular porn, you sicko"
Somebody told me I need adult supervision. I was like "I Know!" It would be awesome to be able to see through walls and shoot lasers out my eyes.
hate it when someone says they are miserable when their profile picture says otherwise.
It should be socially acceptable to end any boring conversation by shouting "UNSUBSCRIBE!"
Junk- something you keep for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
I just found out it takes 5 sheep to make 1 wool sweater. I didn`t even know they knew how to knit.
Creating a password in this day and age After the 9th try OKNowI`mReallyMad50BoiledCabbagesUpYourArseIfYouDon`tGiveMeAccessImmediately! `Sorry, that password is already in use`
Why isn’t the default for online shopping “view all”? Who likes to skip through 20 pages of only 12 items…
The grass is always greener where the bodies are buried.
One dog was admiring another dog`s leash, and said, "I admire your restraint."
I got Mood Poisoning. Must have been something I hate.
I`m getting really irritated. This is the tenth ATM I`ve been to in the last week that`s had "insufficient funds".