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Finally did it. 25 inflatable mattresses later and I’ve finally turned my apartment into a bounce castle.
Weather forecast for tonight: dark
Marriage is just a 50 year long negotiation over thermostat settings.
Facebook is serious. I put more thought into whether or not to accept a friend request than whether or not to sleep with someone.
If there`s one thing in this world that everyone can agree on it`s... "Goonies never say die!"
Attractive Woman: What time is it? Me: Haha. Yeah definitely
Don’t waste electricity. How would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?
Here`s a crazy concept, maybe I`m not in a bad mood, angry, or a bitch. Maybe I said it because it`s true and I meant it. Marinate on that.
I am 5 for 5 on popping my trunk instead of unlocking the fuel door at the gas station.
The push-up bra: the strangely acceptable female equivalent of a rolled up sock stuffed in men`s underwear.
Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.
Saying "cool" also means, I don`t give a sh!t.
Wouldn`t ventriloquists be a lot cooler if they could throw their farts?
Wow, it`s beautiful outside. I should probably do something. Like close the blinds so there isn`t a glare on my screen.
Monday?! But, I wasnt even finished with Saturday yet.