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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
Have you ever woke up pissed at someone because of something they did in your dream?
I`m an adult. I can eat a cupcake for breakfast & call it a muffin if I want
"I`m only having one" ...said by many, practiced by none.
The whole purpose of vacationing is to make you appreciate knowing where the channels are at home.
Sitting in the cinema, ready to watch the movie, then BOOM! The human giraffe sits in front of you
Why are there never any good side effects. Just once, I’d like to read a medication bottle that says “May Cause Multiple Orgasms”
Some people have to learn lessons the hard way. Like with a bat. A bat is hard.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
They act like technology is ruining childhood, but back in the day, kids were so bored they would turn their eyelids inside out for fun.
Meanwhile on Facebook someone has made a casserole
I put on real clothes today. What more do you want from me?
Fast food places should have a third window, where you can trade in the wrong stuff they gave you at the second window.
When I am working, I get paid to be nice. I don`t understand why my friends and family expect me to do it for free during my time off.
I don`t understand interventions. What`s the point of being told I drink too much by a room full of the reasons I drink in the first place?