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Perhaps your whole purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others
You want to piss off a woman? Hide one shoe.
I realized I eat too much fast food so I decided I would start cooking for myself. Does anyone here know how to "mcnugget" a chicken?
Shopping for bridesmaid dresses with 5 other women, today. If you never hear from me again, I committed suicide by nail file.
Life gets expensive when you trust a cute woman.
All the advantages right-handed people have are cancelled out when we have to do our banking at the drive-up ATM left-handed.
It’s only a matter of time until “Security Cameras of Wal-Mart” is a reality TV show.
I can`t fall asleep because I am too excited for Christmas
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Cop cars should play the jaws theme song
I have very poor ninja skills when it comes to staring at cleavage.
Why do people with the most to say contribute the least?
Rob Stalker for congressman........Stalker....a name you can trust.
It’s not the holiday season unless you push your body to the brink of alcoholism and diabetes.