Daily Silly Status

My dog was licking his balls. My friend said "I wish I could do that." I said "You better pet him first; he can be mean sometimes."

I’ve come to the realization that the trash goes out more than I do.

Few things in life are more pleasurable than turning off the lights in a public bathroom while people are still inside

I prefer to call it a “Ta-Da” list. Cause it’d be amazing if I actually accomplished anything on it.

Am I the only one who thinks water has that taste that no one can describe?

Nothing is more heartbreaking than unappreciated sarcasm!

If your problem can`t be solved by me saying "damn" and nodding a lot, then you shouldn`t come to me for help.

My lucks so bad if I bought a cemetery people would stop dying.

4/20? More like 1/5. Stupid stoners forgot how to reduce their fractions.

If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|

Statistically: 1 in 7 dwarfs are grumpy

I dont need to control my anger everyone around me needs to control their habit of pissing me off!

I`m hungry, but I`m not `cook something` hungry.

I`d like to thank the person who looked at a buzzing Bee-hive and thought: "Those ba$tards are hiding something delicious in there I know it."

To the individual who sat outside in their car, across the street from our house, at 530 am and had Led Zepplens Immigrant Song blaring at full volume, I have one thing to say to you! AWESOME CHOICE DUDE!!!!!!!