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The only technique I`ve mastered from watching cooking shows is screaming and swearing at everyone in the kitchen.
My 14 year old sent a text asking me to pick her up from school and added "not in your pajamas". So I`m wearing hers because good moms listen.
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
You know you`ve picked the right friends if no one has nominated you for the ice bucket challenge
Exercise makes you look better naked. Alcohol does the same, you pick..
Fox canceled Cops. So I guess if I want to stay current on what my family is up to now, I`ll have to turn to Facebook.
I`d like to have a kid but I`m not sure I`m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where their shoes are.
To the woman with six screaming kids in Walmart, if you wonder how those condoms got in your cart, you’re welcome.
I wish I can start a new diet, but there`s a bunch of old diets I haven`t finish.
The internet...turning cowards into tough guys daily.
Say goodbye to your girlfriends cause I just bought a book on magic tricks
One of us spends too much time on Facebook.
To all my ex girlfriends. Don`t worry. I`m still an asshole.
If Reincarnation ends up being real... Those People who got "YOLO" tattoos are going to look... Pretty Silly
Do you ever get the feeling that you`re being watched? Because if it`s bothering you, I`ll stop.