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I`m not saying I`m lazy, but someone wrote "wash me" on my car so I just wrote back "nah"
If someone is jogging at 7am on a Sunday - it`s because they`ve just killed someone right?
Facebook: Saving us money on birthday cards since 2004
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
Lazy Fact #69302246777573 - You were too lazy to read that number.
I live in fear that one day the real "World`s Greatest Dad" is going to show up to reclaim his rightful mug.
Life is like toilet paper....either you`re on a roll....or you`re taking sh*t from some asshole
"That wasn`t chicken in the Chow Mein" I`d make a great Fortune Cookie writer.
I hate it when people rub things in my face... unless it`s two boobs.
Don`t judge me just because I sin differently from you.
If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is, "God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is, "Probably because of something you did."
Whenever being single gets me down, I like to close my eyes, take a deep breath and then go do whatever I want pretty much nonstop.
Every so often, I like to go to the window, look up, and smile for a satellite picture.
It`s the little things in life that count, like pills.
"Hey bro shotgun this beer" No I don`t drink "You wanna be cool don`t you?" I don`t drink "C`mon NERD!" Grandma PLEASE stop