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Some people are more confused then a chameleon in a packet of Skittles.
Life is so much funnier if you have a dirty mind
"Dont make me regret this!" is something I say to myself every time I accept a facebook friendship from a relative.
Summer: Hair gets lighter. Skin gets darker. Water gets warmer. Drinks get colder. Music gets louder. Nights get longer. Life gets better.
The skeletons in your closet are suggesting that you upgrade to a double wide, walk-in.
I saw a spider in my bathtub. So I took a tissue and very, very carefully, burned the house down.
Best thing = Waking up, looking in your refrigerator and seeing a pizza box.
You’ve never truly lived until someone has posted a sign because of something you’ve done.
My blood test came back as B+ Any tips how I can get an A+ next time?
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
I`m not worried about the zombie apocalypse that is coming. I`m worried about the fcuktard apocalypse that is here right now.
Very little scares me. So does very big.
I paid My 11 year old $10 to do the dishes, then on her way to the bathroom I mugged her...because, you know, life lesson.
My GF`s anti aging cream went bad ... How does anti aging cream have an expiration date?!
Are you always this stupid or is today a special occasion?