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You can stop lifting weights now; it’s actually your personality that nobody likes.
3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.
You and I are just different. And by different I mean you`re stupid.
I just saw a gang of really drunk mosquitoes leave my arm and high-five each other. Weird.
Give a kid a Pop Tart and they eat for a day. Teach a kid how to make a Pop Tart and you sleep in all summer
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
Boobs are like the Sun. You can stare at them directly just for a few seconds, but if you put on sunglasses, you can stare as much as you want!
Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."
If I owned a copy shop, I’d only hire identical twins to work there.
Would the 2 Sonic dudes just get it over with and kiss already
I`d be much more attracted to you if you were much more attractive.
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
I once had a goldfish that could break-dance on carpet, but only for like 20 seconds...
Men use love to get sex. Women use sex to get love. I use coupons to get pizza.
“I don’t watch TV” proudly says a person who spends 8 hours a day on the internet.