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Halloween Drinking Game: Drink every-time an Elsa (from Frozen) visits your house.
I end a lot of my sentences with "just saying`, because saying, "you idiot" is considered offensive.
K-Y should be called K-WHEN, because we already know why.
What`s the lowest IQ someone can have while still being a relatively full functioning adult? My wife wants to know.
Now I lay me down to sleep, a bottle of vodka at my feet, if I should die before I wake, tell my friends I drank it straight.
thinks whoever said, "All men are created equal", obviously has never been to a nude beach!!
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
What if Deja Vu meant you lost a life and you are starting back off at your last checkpoint.
Some things make you go hmm. Some things make you go ugh! I make you go "Did he really just say that?"
Sobriety and I have agreed to see other people today
Hey, how long are you supposed to chase someone after they steal your wallet? Cause I`m getting tired of running and he`s catching up to me.
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
I am the type to fart in a crowded train and get just as upset as everyone else.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Remember, life isn`t about accumulating stuff. It`s about making people insanely jealous of your stuff.