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It`s not everyday you find a $50 bill in your pocket, I didn`t, but like I said it`s not everyday..
You can tell a lot about a womans mood by her hands. If they are holding a gun, she`s probably angry.
WARNING:: going to bed on Sunday will cause Monday.
I dream of a better world where chickens can cross the road and not have their motives questioned.
So I didn`t want to wake up this morning and go to work. It`s not that I don`t like my job, it`s just that I like being lazy more.
In-laws the reason why I`d never get married..
Never send in a beer to do the work of a tequila shot.
(Apocalyptic world) "Well guys......there goes our last female"
Note: the 5 second rule does not apply to soup.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
Time to walk the cow and milk the dog, Happy Hump Day!
I always stop to help women who have broken down on the road. I don`t know sh!t about cars, but I do know how porn starts off. -Bfanch
Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.
We should be thanking our Dads for bringing us into the world, not our Moms. She probably wasn`t in the mood...