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At first it was "Okay" and then "ok" and now "k" and soon it will disappear and you`ll all regret it
Its never polite to ask the guy at the next table "are you done with that?" Especially when he`s breaking up with his girlfriend.
The last time anything got banged on my bed, it was my little toe against the leg.
If someone doesn’t stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it’s totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by.
If love is blind....why is lingerie so popular?
Legos are practice for when you get older & buy Ikea furniture
We are guaranteed "life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness". So, why did happiness get a Lamborghini and I got a `74 Pinto?????
My online dating profile is just a picture of my ex-wife and the words "NOT THIS."
Time flies when you`re throwing watches.
Save the US Postal Service. Have the Jehovah Witness and Mormons deliver the mail.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Deaf people don`t have safe words, they use stop signs.
I wish that just once, the clerk would just put the Monopoly money in the drawer and hand me a receipt
I am really glad the shutdown is over. I`ll tell you something, it was very lonely being the only nonessential employee who was working.
I said my wife`s name three times in front of the bathroom mirror and now my wallet`s empty...